All married couples wish long-term preservation of harmony and prosperity in marriage. The psychology of family relationships indicates the importance of understanding, because creating a strong family, marriage bonds is a daily task for both partners. The foundation of a harmonious connection between spouses is mutual respect, understanding, the ability to come to a compromise solution in the event of conflict situations.
The psychology of family relations is a field that deals with the study of acute problems, misunderstandings, and disagreements between partners. Its goal is to find ways to resolve disputes, create mutual understanding in marriage. Awareness, understanding of conflict situations will help to avoid unpleasant mistakes, to maintain peace of mind in the family. Therefore, family psychology deserves serious consideration. It is important for every couple to know the rules for creating a strong marriage union.
Phased family development
Creating a new independent family is an individual process. Each person has a different character, has different interests, material, educational level. Families are built regardless of age category, under different circumstances. But they have one thing in common – the phases of development that each family goes through. Their study is the goal of the psychology of relations between husband and wife.
After creating a new social unit, the couple is faced with similar tasks for all, for example:
- running a common household;
- finding a common language with the partner’s relatives;
- correct upbringing of children, etc.
The solution of these problems is the development of marital relations. In family psychology, 7 main stages of development are classified:
- Love. This romantic phase is characterized by misinterpretation of the partner’s flaws. In particular, slovenliness = sweet negligence, rudeness = strong-willed character, tastelessness = creative nature.
- Confrontation. This stage often occurs simultaneously with the couple’s living together; it contributes to a better knowledge of each other. Solving everyday tasks opens up different life positions, the “real” partner differs from the person seen in the 1st phase. The goal of the psychology of relations between a man and a wife is to teach the normalization of relations at this stage of development through a sense of humor, the ability to detect positive moments in any situation, and tolerance.
- Compromise. This stage is characterized by acceptance of the partner’s flaws, but without the disappearance of irritation. Spouses learn to compromise in the most controversial situations.
- Patience. At this stage, there is a gradual disappearance of irritation caused by the partner’s deficiencies; this phase is typical of the emergence of tolerance, acceptance of it as it is. Understanding this contributes to the strengthening of family relations, the transition to a mature relationship.
- Respect. This stage is the revival of early feelings, but on a new level. This is facilitated by the experienced disagreements, problems between the spouses. A clear understanding of the term “WE” develops, the development of “I” is painlessly perceived individually. A characteristic feature of this phase is real joy, pride in the partner’s success in his development. Career achievements are no longer seen as obstacles to family relationships.
- Gratitude, trust. At this stage, the psychology of family relationships reveals gratitude to the partner. The couple is able to coordinate joint or individual actions, adapt to the needs of the partner.
- Love. Only after passing the above 6 stages, without losing the family in everyday troubles, problems, the couple finds true love. Over the years, this feeling grows stronger, the spouses are unable to separate the current adversity. This stage is characterized by the outgrowth of communication to the spiritual level. Partners understand each other from half a glance, half a word. But not all couples reach this stage.
The psychology of relations between a man and a woman in marriage distinguishes 3 psychological levels of marriage:
- Social. This level means the legal conclusion of a marriage union. A man and a woman are aware of a number of mutual obligations. As a rule, a couple has an unspoken agreement in terms of living together: unanimous partnership or domination of one person. Usually there are no confrontations over leadership.
- Sexual. Harmonious sex is the key to marital well-being. But often the cause of the conflict is unbelief, most often from the male side.
- Emotional. The psychology of family relations characterizes this level as the most important. Sometimes sensual, emotional warmth recedes, being replaced by satiety. Partners disagree. The temporary separation of spouses often helps to restore sensory ties.
The psychology of family relations between the wife and the husband registers crisis periods for all spouses. In one couple, it occurs at the very beginning of marriage, in another – after many years of marriage. Psychologists clearly explain the emergence of a crisis in a certain period of marriage. This is a difficult test, not everyone tolerates it painlessly, it often leads to the destruction of the family.
In the first year of a partner’s life, there is a “grinding”, a struggle for family leadership. By the end of this period, the real image replaces the previously idealized person, inspired by romantic feelings. The crisis of the 1st year is not typical for couples who entered the union deliberately. The greatest disappointment in this respect awaits the romantics.
Most often this time is typical for the birth of a child in a young family. This leads to a violation of the already established way of life, often the first family problems and difficulties arise. Constant crying of children, anxiety, nervousness of the wife, insufficient material basis – these are the factors due to which the young father often does not cope with the responsibilities assigned to him. At this stage, the psychology of family relationships teaches the couple mutual support aimed at overcoming the difficulties that have arisen.
This is the most controversial period in marriage partnerships. It is characterized by boredom in relationships due to everyday life, routine, monotonous sex. The child has ceased to be capricious, the material situation has stabilized, duties have become clearly divided. The next day copies the past.
A complete study of partners, which took place over the years lived together, did not leave romance in the relationship. The desire to diversify his sex life pushes a man to infidelity. The opinions of psychologists in this regard differ: some point to routine as the culprit of the crisis, while others consider the cause of treason. Men most often leave the family after 7 years of marriage.
The psychology of family and family relations indicates the crisis of 14 years as the most serious crisis period. This is the time of midlife crisis in parents, puberty in a child. A previously cheerful child suddenly becomes a withdrawn, irritable teenager. A common cause of family conflicts is precisely the lack of understanding between him and his parents.
Parents’ review of personal success leads to the wrong conclusion: the family is an obstacle on the way to career achievements. The situation is aggravated by the division of views on the upbringing of a teenager, frequent quarrels arising on this basis.
Men are the most frequent initiators of marriage dissolution after 25 years of marriage. One of the reasons is a woman’s menopause, hormonal changes that lead to a decrease in sexual activity. Men, in turn, want to show everyone (first of all, themselves) their masculine strength, attractiveness, which is why they commit adultery.
At this time, the children grow up, they leave their parental home. It seems to spouses that it was the children who kept the integrity of the family.
The goal of the psychology of family life during this period is mutual moral support, joint recreation planning, and an increase in attention paid to a partner. Following these rules contributes to the elevation of relations to the spiritual level.
Rules for creating functional relationships
Psychologists studying family psychology have developed a number of rules, the observance of which can promptly suppress the emerging confrontation. What are they:
- mutual respect, as well as respect for the close people of the partner;
- attention, gratitude to the partner;
- willingness to compromise, forgiveness;
- lack of focusing on the cons of a partner, especially sexually;
- the ability to listen, jointly find a compromise solution to the problem.
But following these guidelines is not a guarantee of maintaining a functional relationship. Physical contact is important – a lot can be said through touch. The creation of intimacy in a relationship is facilitated by the presence of common goals, their joint achievement.
Ready for family life
When preparing to create a family, it is important for partners to master the basics of the psychology of relations between a man and a woman in marriage – to read specialized literature, to consult with specialists. The knowledge gained will prevent mistakes in marriage, help confirm (or refute) the readiness for an important life step. For a functional, harmonious connection, puberty is not enough. Family psychology points to 3 criteria for the maturity of a couple for marriage. They include:
- physical, mental maturity;
- social maturity;
- ethical, psychological readiness for marriage.
Mental maturity characterizes the ability to self-awareness, a sober view of things, the ability to build good relationships with others. It is important for future spouses to understand the need to separate household, material problems, and to provide mutual assistance.
Social maturity means education, a stable job, the ability to provide not only oneself, but also an established family.
Psychological readiness is the awareness of the “WE” concept. It consists in common interests, the perception of spiritual values, the division of opinions about parenting. At the same time, the personal “I” of each partner should not be violated.
Knowledge of the basics of the psychology of marital relationships will help prevent hasty decisions, marriage without readiness for it.
Create a trust relationship
At the beginning of the development of relations, high confidence in the partner is created. The couple shares secrets, opens up to each other, makes joint plans. But living together, having a child, everyday life, emerging difficulties, changing the usual way of life cool warm communication. This often leads to alienation. After the children grow up, the need to maintain the image of the family recedes. A common result is divorce.
It is the goal of family psychology to prevent this development of the plot, to recreate and maintain a trusting connection.
Knowledge, application of the following recommendations of a family relations psychologist reduces the risk of alienation between partners:
- praise, say warm words, compliments;
- be careful with the spoken words (including with humor), avoid offensive words addressed to your partner;
- during a quarrel, do not use closed gestures (crossing arms, leaning the body forward);
- do not violate personal space without permission;
- prevent outside interference in the marriage;
- do not take your irritation out on your partner;
- do not accumulate resentment, immediately talk about what bothers you.
Shared, equitable household chores are essential. Lack of responsibility at the household level is a common cause of early divorce.
Knowledge, the ability to apply in practice the considered rules, psychological recommendations do not guarantee the preservation of marriage. In this case, you need to seek professional help.
Joint counseling helps to understand the problem and find a solution. Family psychology provides general information about disagreements in marriage. But similar difficulties in each family are perceived differently, evaluated, experienced. Many couples without professional psychological support do not cope with the crisis, despite the presence of feelings for a partner.
IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you must consult a specialist.