Quite often, a situation arises when the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is very difficult. When asked why the mother-in-law does not like her daughter-in-law, psychology gives a number of answers. At the same time, the implementation of simple recommendations will help to avoid conflicts.
Causes of conflicts
To build a relationship with a mother-in-law, the advice of a psychologist must be followed. First of all, it is worth understanding the causes of the problems:
- Loss of power. This is the most common cause of conflict situations. Mothers who have a narcissistic character treat their sons as an extension of their “I”, not perceiving them as an independent person. In such a situation, conflicts with the daughter-in-law necessarily appear, the mother-in-law thinks that this woman is stealing her son.
- Contradictions in the division of powers. Most often, the problem arises when women live in the same apartment. If a mother-in-law, who is used to being a full-fledged mistress in her house, suddenly gets a competitor, conflicts are inevitable. They may have completely different ideas about cleaning, cooking, or raising children.
- Subjective reasons. Personal animosity can also be at the root of conflicts.
What to do if the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law: advice from a psychologist
If the mother-in-law hates her daughter-in-law, the advice of a psychologist will help restore peace in the family. There are many ways to improve relationships.
Monitor compliance with borders
Initially, you need to clearly define the boundaries. The husband’s mother must understand that she must respect the young couple’s personal boundaries. She is advised to explain that she cannot come to visit without an invitation or call at the wrong time.
It is also worth making it clear to the husband’s mother that her advice is inappropriate. A young family will be able to decide for itself which garden to send the baby to or which curtains to hang on the windows.
At the same time, it is strictly forbidden to reproach a woman for advice. She must understand the value of her experience. However, the husband’s mother should give young people the opportunity to do their own thing. Therefore, it is recommended to thank the woman for the advice and do as you see fit.
If there is a conflict with the mother-in-law, the advice of a psychologist is aimed at reducing the degree of frankness. A woman is capable of using any information against her daughter-in-law.
Ask for advice
You can ask her for advice to get your husband’s mom in the right place. Thus, it will be possible to confirm the value of her opinion. It is worth reporting that her recommendation helped a lot. If there is a bad relationship with the mother-in-law, the advice of a psychologist can be quite effective.
This can be learned from men. They have a much simpler attitude to interpersonal problems and often ignore the opinions of relatives. Men understand that love for relatives is not at all necessary – it is enough to maintain normal relations. You should not force the husband’s mother to love yourself, the main thing is not to bring the relationship to acute conflicts.
Deal with your emotions
It is advisable to understand why criticism of the mother-in-law is perceived so painfully and why it is so difficult to ignore it. Sometimes the problem stems from a subconscious need for approval.
At the same time, it is important to convince yourself of your own worth. The attitude towards oneself should not be influenced by external factors – the ability to dress, cook or raise children. This means that criticism of others should not cause negative reactions. It is not worth it because of criticism of the mother-in-law to go into open conflict with her.
Common mistakes in relationships
If there are problems with the mother-in-law, the advice of a psychologist is aimed at preventing common mistakes.
Turning Husband Against Mother
This strategy is considered to be a losing one. Even with a bad relationship between a husband and his mother, he remains her son. Therefore, it is quite difficult for him to completely go over to the side of his wife.
In such a situation, it will be easier for the husband to take a neutral position, and not to enter into open conflict with the mother. Besides, men don’t like women’s showdowns. Therefore, there is a risk of creating an intra-family conflict.
Complaining about your husband
It is important to understand that the mother-in-law is the husband’s mother. Therefore, one should not complain about his behavior. The mother may take it wrong. She may think that she hasn’t raised her son well enough. This will only make the situation worse.
Set up children against grandma
This should not be done even in the most difficult situations. If the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law, the advice of a psychologist is aimed at restoring the relationship. If children think of their grandmother as a bad person, this will negatively affect their relationship with other relatives.
Respond with aggression to aggression
Some women say – I hate my mother-in-law. Psychologist’s advice does not recommend entering into open conflict. If you respond aggressively to comments, it will negatively affect your relationship with your husband. Children will constantly be in an atmosphere of hatred and competition and will not be able to learn to find compromises.
For the sake of harmonious family relationships, it is recommended to learn how to cope with anger and suppress the infantile craving for justice. You should not look for the answer to the question of how to defeat a mother-in-law in the advice of a psychologist. No qualified specialist would make such recommendations.
Wait for miracles
Do not expect that persuasion, flattery, or compliments will change your mother-in-law’s attitude. Most likely, the woman has her own ideas about the correct daughter-in-law. Maybe she hoped that her son would choose a more economic woman with a different approach to raising children.
If the daughter-in-law does not meet the expectations of the mother-in-law, it will not be possible to change her attitude towards herself. In this case, it is worth explaining to the woman her position, and she will be forced to accept it. It is also worth considering the peculiarities of the worldview of an older woman. This will help you find compromises.
Many women say: I hate my mother-in-law, what should I do? The psychologist’s advice is to stop demonizing the husband’s mother. Each person has certain merit. They need to be identified and used to your advantage. It is very important to do this if you plan to live with your mother-in-law in the same apartment. Psychology advises to find compromises.
How to communicate with a mother-in-law: advice from a psychologist
To improve the relationship with the husband’s mother, it is recommended to follow certain rules.
Try to understand
Experts advise to make an effort to understand the husband’s mother. This is definitely worth doing, even if it seems difficult at first glance. Thanks to this, it will be possible to establish the causes of the conflict situation and develop a strategy for its resolution.
First of all, you need to understand what caused the hostility and assess the situation through the eyes of the mother-in-law. She can be a suspicious woman who is afraid of old age or loneliness. When a daughter-in-law appears, a woman begins to be afraid of becoming useless to anyone. In this case, she develops hostile feelings. Sometimes the mother-in-law is afraid that the daughter-in-law is making her son unhappy.
Assess the situation correctly
There is an old Buddhist adage that expectations lead to suffering. Therefore, it is so important to treat things realistically. If a grandmother spends little time with her grandchildren, believing that parenting is the task of the parents, you should not be angry with her. Even if her behavior does not correspond to the ideas of her daughter-in-law, the resentment will only worsen the situation.
It should be borne in mind that it will not work to change an adult. Therefore, it is necessary to perceive him as he is.
Learn to deal with criticism more easily
Mastering this art is not difficult. To do this, it is recommended to use a simple visualization technique. He is self-hypnosis, which is achieved through the power of his imagination.
Experts advise to sit comfortably on a bed or chair and imagine that criticism is a small trickle of water in the shower. Her drops run down the body and do not harm him.
Conflict situations with a mother-in-law are a very common problem. They can be associated with a variety of factors. To improve the relationship with the husband’s mother, it is worth resorting to the main recommendations of specialists.
IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you must consult with a specialist.