The dream of any parent is to raise a responsible, independent and self-confident child. So that as an adult he would trust, respect and love his parents. But most parents face the fact that their children do not trust them. Building a trusting relationship with your child is not easy. To do this, you need to make a lot of effort, because trust is built from early childhood.
How does a child’s trust develop?
If we consider the age classification of the development of Eric Erickson, then in his writings he identified the following stages in the formation of a child’s trust:
From birth to 1 year
A child comes into this world completely unprotected. And the formation of trust in this world occurs through parents. Since the child does not have the opportunity to meet his basic needs, he has to rely entirely on his parents. How they take care of him determines the child’s basic trust in the world.
2 – 3 years
During this time, the child learns to walk, speak and express his desire. He is monitoring the situation and already understands that his mother has other important things to do besides him. Therefore, he constantly checks whether his mother has left him alone. Here, the child’s trust in the parents is already being formed.
At this age, the child has a small vocabulary, he has a desire to help parents around the house. Here he explores his abilities and skills, learns to trust himself. And if at this moment the parents do not allow him to tie his shoelaces, since they themselves will do it much faster or do not accept his desire to help wash the dishes, then the child has doubts and he does not trust himself.
Here we have reflected only the initial phases, since it is during this period of time that the child forms trust in the world, in his parents and in himself. If at these stages the child’s trust has not been formed, then further it will be very difficult for him to trust someone. How can you fix this? And how can you build a trusting relationship with your child? Read our recommendations and choose what exactly might suit you.
Don’t criticize the child
Criticism is very painful, especially if it is criticized by a loved one. Try to choose words so that they do not offend the child and always offer your help to solve the problem.
Listen to the child and support his initiative
If your child points to heaven and says “self-advice, self-advice!” – then you should also look at the sky and admire what you saw the plane. Here the child showed interest in the plane and wanted to share it with you. And if the parents dismiss the child “Leave me alone now”, “Your stupidity again” – then the child will think that his parents are not interested in his thoughts. And any attempt to share something with the parents ends with a blow to the child’s pride. Thus, parents from childhood build a wall between themselves and the child.
Get rid of the phrase “I told you!”
Yes, you are an adult, you have a lot of experience and knowledge about this world. How did you get it, remember? Really from the words of the parents? Why do children grow up and are so afraid of making mistakes? Because these are the parents who prohibit making mistakes.
Always be on the side of the child
It doesn’t matter if he is to blame or not, this is your child and only you can support him. You are one team with him. Don’t let others criticize and scold your child in public. If he is guilty at school, listen to the teacher’s indignation and then talk to the child in private. And then the child will trust you more.
If you make a mistake, apologize.
Asking your child for forgiveness when you made a mistake is not ashamed. This is another sign that he is important to you. Then he will not lose confidence in you and he will not harbor a grudge against you.
Maintain your child’s independence
Praise for the desire to do something yourself without outside help, for suggestions and new ideas. But here it is worth remembering that not all proposals will be literate and realistic, then you will need to carefully correct them.
Each child should have personal space and time.
It is better for parents to enter their own room with a knock, a closet or an attic, where the child can be completely alone or with friends. And also discuss with your child how much time he needs for walking with friends, practicing the guitar, etc.
Show compassion and concern
If your child has a bad mood or tears in his eyes, you should not ignore and discount it. Better try to find out what bothers him, support him and try to help.
Well, in conclusion, I would like to say, love your children, take an interest in their life, find time for them, be kind to them and then they will start to trust you.
Teslariu Mihai on Unsplash