It is the normal desire of loving parents to protect the child from dangers, to show concern and increased attention to his life. But only if this behavior does not develop into total control and excessive care. If you want your child to develop and not experience serious adaptation problems in adulthood, it is necessary to adequately evaluate the methods of parenting. So that later you do not have to remove the child from your own neck, force him to move from the parental home and drive him out to work.
How to recognize overprotection?
In psychology, a number of signs are distinguished that indicate overprotection. Here we will reflect the most common examples in practice.
Performing actions for the child. As an example, the following situation can be cited: a child does not want to do his homework, but so that he does not receive a reprimand or a bad grade, the parents do the task for him. Or such a situation: The child is slowly tying his shoelaces, and the mother needs to hurry. Then she takes his laces and ties for him, with the phrase: “Let me do everything myself.”
Lack of trust… These parents call every 10 minutes when the child has left home for a walk with friends. They delve into his things, read personal diaries, correspondence on social networks.
Control over all areas of the child’s life. It starts with the interests and hobbies of the child, ends with nutrition and his social circle. Many parents forbid a child to communicate with this or that person, because they do not like him. They try to impose those friends who suit them.
Not the ability to insist on your own. In order to once again avoid whims and quarrels with the child, the parents themselves go to walk the dog, take out the trash, clean his room.
Ignoring the desires of the child. This applies to those parents who are used to deciding everything for their child, without asking his opinion. As a result, the child either resigns himself to this or actively protests.
What are the consequences of overprotection?
As a result of overprotection, the following psychological characteristics are formed in a child:
- Lack of personal opinion, and if it is, then as an adult, the child cannot defend his opinion.
- Lack of confidence in yourself and your strengths. Therefore, a person does not show activity, initiative. Constantly afraid to make some mistake.
- Difficulty communicating. Such people are very shy, they are afraid to speak first, they do not know how to maintain a conversation.
- Closure. A person who was constantly monitored as a child learns to hide his thoughts, desires and emotions. With age, this all only gets worse.
- Emotional instability. Here, everyone is different, some have nervousness, impatience. Someone, on the contrary, is too apathetic and is not interested in what is happening.
- A large number of complexes. Concerning appearance, skills and knowledge.
What to do to correct the situation?
First of all, you need to understand that the sooner parents realize the wrong approach in education and make an effort to change, the better. Well, if your child has already reached adolescence, then you cannot do without the help of a specialist.
What actions will help correct the situation?
Let your kids be wrong. So they will gain life experience, it will be easier for them to face something new. Thus, they will begin to act not out of need, but out of curiosity. Your child wants to go to the pool, but does not know how to swim, it doesn’t matter an air mattress or a circle to help him.
Try to keep track of your expressions. After all, for you these are just words, but for a child any of your words is very important. Therefore, forget about insults like: “who are you going to be like?”, “Adults know better”, or “nobody cares about your opinion.” All statements like this lead to shyness, insecurity and low self-esteem.
Lower your control. Call your child less often, do not tell him who to be friends with, what to eat and what hobby is really worthwhile. If the child wants to know your opinion or to hear advice, he himself will turn to you for help. Make compromises when it comes to an evening walk, rest, or schedule for the day.
Develop independence in your child. After all, this is a very important quality for an adult. Thanks to independence, many achieve success and goals.
Let the child find his “I“… You should not impose your desires or any social norms on him. This will make him an unhappy person. This concerns the issue of hobbies, career guidance, finding friends and a soul mate.
The author of the article: Testometrika Team