Marriage is a big responsibility that not everyone can handle. Everyone has difficulties and tough times. But if you know how to keep a family on the verge of divorce, you can successfully overcome all obstacles, the advice of a psychologist will help with this.
Common reasons for divorce
Psychologist’s advice for men on how to keep a family on the brink of divorce is usually different from advice for women. This is due to the difference in perception and the difference in the psychology of the sexes. Men and women see relationships, marriage differently and behave differently if their expectations are not met.
The most common reasons for breaking up relations and divorce are called:
- betrayal of one of the spouses;
- mismatch of views regarding everyday life, raising children, etc .;
- sexual dissatisfaction;
- unwillingness or inability of one of the spouses to have children;
- alcoholic, drug, gambling addiction;
- physical and mental abuse;
- interference of relatives;
- unpreparedness for everyday life and marriage in principle;
- changes in the family after the birth of the child;
- illness (physical or mental) of one of the partners.
The number of divorces is increasing, which is associated with changes in society. So, if earlier a man’s betrayal seemed less terrible than a woman’s, was justified by polygamy, now the majority of wives refuse to accept the fact of polygamy and more often file for divorce because of adultery. Also, a man may become cold towards a woman because of her reluctance to have children or lead a more relaxed lifestyle. You can take a test from a family psychologist on how to keep your family together specifically in your case.
When is it worth keeping a family?
On the Internet, you can find a lot of psychologist’s advice on how to restore relations with your husband on the verge of divorce, or how to get your wife back, but it is important to remember that each case is different.
Often when asked about the reason for the desire to preserve the marriage, the answer is: “For the sake of the children.” The desire to protect the child and protect him from psychological trauma is natural for parents. However, often attempts to live together for the sake of the child lead to the opposite effect. Children feel if their parents are unhappy, if they are angry, see their quarrels and worry no less than during a divorce. The worries about the parents’ divorce are no more dangerous for the child’s psyche than life in constant quarrels.
For every child, parents, their love and care, the presence of a mom and dad are important. The very concept of marriage does not matter as much to children as adults think. It is worth weighing well the pros and cons, considering what will really be best for the couple and for the children.
Of course, each case is unique and there can be no universal recommendations. During consultations, the specialist takes into account the character of each spouse, his complexes, childhood, attitude towards each other and the institution of marriage.
The possibility of maintaining a marriage is increased if both partners are willing to try, change and listen to each other. This desire should not be one-sided. If one of the spouses is determined to leave, does not want to hear about therapy and is already ready to move on for a long time, then trying to restrain him will be more like violence.
The main sign that a marriage can still be saved is indifference, fear from the thought that everything could collapse. If thinking about divorce and leaving has become commonplace, the likelihood of returning the old feelings is less.
It is also necessary to save the family in the case when there is still trust in it, both partners trust each other, but they have a misunderstanding that grows and spoils life. Undermining trust, or lacking it at all, will greatly complicate reconciliation.
It is not enough just to find out from a psychologist how to improve relations with your wife on the verge of divorce, you need to apply them in life, change your attitude towards your partner, since it is this that often leads to divorce. This requirement applies to both spouses.
How to save a marriage: advice from a psychologist
There can be many reasons for the destruction of a marriage. Everyone has problems in relationships, but unwillingness to give up and love for a partner can keep the family together. A psychologist’s advice on how to keep a marriage on the verge of divorce will help to survive the crisis and stay together. Recommendations are as follows:
- First of all, you need to put your feelings and thoughts in order. If both spouses are ready to fight for marriage, it is necessary to agree that all grievances and claims will be expressed calmly, without shouts and insults. Communication should look like dialogue, not hysteria.
- Each of the partners should speak out, tell what he feels and thinks. If it is difficult to speak, you can write on a piece of paper. While one is talking, the other should not interrupt. Here it is important not to prove your case, but to understand how your partner feels.
- Discuss the roadmap together. Discuss what kind of relationship would suit each of the spouses, what needs to be done so that both are comfortable and calm in this marriage.
- It is very important not to divide the parties into the guilty party and the victim. You need a sign that both spouses are involved in the marriage, each of them can make mistakes or experience painful sensations from the actions of the second.
- Quarrels are still indispensable, even in a very strong marriage. Start learning the art of discussion. Even in a strong quarrel, respect for each other must not be lost. Never mention relatives, mother, spouse’s father, or his appearance in a dispute. Talk only to the point, about how you feel and what hurts you.
- Do not rely entirely on the advice of family and friends. Even if someone has had this situation, all people are different, you may feel completely different.
To understand how to improve relations with her husband on the verge of divorce, it is advisable for a psychologist to communicate with both partners. The ideal option is when a couple comes for a consultation together, for example, to Nikita V. Baturin.
The situation with alcoholism of one of the spouses is much more complicated. In this case, you need to contact professionals and undergo rehabilitation. Without professional help, marriage can turn into torture.
Psychologist’s advice on how to keep a family in case of infidelity
Psychologist’s advice for women on how to keep a family on the brink of divorce often boils down to keeping his interest. However, after the betrayal, everything is not so simple, since interest fades away from both sides, there remains a feeling of resentment, betrayal, pain. Not everyone can cope with this condition on their own. Women in such a situation are usually advised the following:
- You need to consider the very fact of treason. If it was just physical betrayal, the husband is not going to leave the family, then you need to sort out your own feelings and understand whether you can forgive him.
- You should not listen to the advice of relatives. If you decide to forgive your husband, do not tell your relatives and friends about this. Better to talk to a psychologist. Often, public opinion begins to crush. Some persuade not to forgive the traitor, others – not to pay attention to male polygamy. If the family persists, relations with relatives will still be spoiled.
- In no case should children be involved in such quarrels. They don’t need to know this story or take sides. A husband who has committed adultery is not guaranteed to be a bad father, so you cannot turn a child against him.
- Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your husband. Without screaming, insulting and hysterical, you need to explain to him that cheating causes you severe pain.
Men experience betrayal a little differently. This is due to the fact that women themselves rarely cheat out of stupidity, more often it is still feelings and a well-thought-out decision. Psychologists give the following advice to men:
- It is necessary to let the wife speak out and explain the situation. Even if it is difficult to trust a person, it is worth starting a dialogue. But you should not constantly remind her of the betrayal, every minute demanding an apology from her.
- Stay alone if necessary to process the situation. An attempt to take revenge, deliberately hurt his wife, search for a mistress for himself and the use of alcohol will not become helpers. This will ruin your marriage even faster.
- After everything has already been discussed and discussed, you need to try to change the old way. Talk about what you were missing. If you haven’t spent much time together, try to fix it.
Psychologist’s advice on what to do if the family is on the verge of divorce, in case of infidelity, will no longer be standard. Giving each other gifts and delighting with pleasant little things after betrayal is not an option. People who want to maintain a relationship will have to work hard and learn to understand each other again.
Psychologist’s advice on how to maintain family relationships if the partner has cooled off
They often talk about cooling their husbands, but men also quite often turn to a psychologist for advice on how to return a relationship with a wife on the verge of divorce. Anyone can get tired and lose interest in their partner.
Psychologist’s advice to wives on how to preserve their marriage should not be limited to external attractiveness for the husband or attempts to give him more freedom. Men, like women, need understanding. Conversations, honest communication without quarrels are necessary even more than makeup and beautiful underwear.
The following tips will help you regain your partner’s interest:
- You can’t put pressure on your partner, make scandals and demand attention. From this, a person, regardless of gender, will only get tired and want to move away even more. If your spouse reacts sharply to attempts to get closer, give him some freedom and time to think things over. It might be worth spending a couple of weeks separately, taking a break.
- People have stages when they need to deal with their inner problems, depression or self-doubt. In this case, cooling is not associated with a partner, it is enough to give the person time for introspection.
- The most wrong thing to do if your partner is cold is to start tracking. You should not constantly monitor where he went, why, with whom he is texting. If unpleasant suspicions arise, it is better to discuss them.
- You can arrange to have multiple dates together. Husband and wife go out, visit a restaurant or other pleasant place, talk and get to know each other again. Agree not to recall long-standing quarrels and resentments during your dates.
- Don’t use divorce as a threat. You do not need to constantly mention this word in the hope that your partner will get scared. Such manipulations only alienate people from each other.
- Try to listen more and understand your partner, ask him about the same. A man needs to know that you need him, so periodically ask him for help. A woman, on the other hand, needs to know that she is beautiful and loved, so she needs to be pleased with no reason and compliments.
The desire to preserve the family is normal, but it cannot be driven into fanaticism. For example, when one partner demands more freedom and space, the other can take care of himself, rather than make desperate attempts to get the spouse’s attention and interest him. Remember what hobbies have long been abandoned, meet old friends. Let yourself breathe out.
IMPORTANT! The article is for informational purposes only. It is recommended to consult a specialist before use.