Aggression of varying degrees of manifestation occurs in people every day. A person encounters it everywhere – at work, in the service sector, public transport, etc. In most cases, such excesses recede from memory, as well as momentary unpleasant impressions. More serious cases are familial. Why does the husband beat his wife? The psychology and reasons for this phenomenon are varied; there is no clear answer to this question.
The notorious opinion “beats, it means he loves” is no longer applied. Such an attitude cannot be tolerated. Impunity for an aggressive person is an “incentive” to further intensify the abuse of a woman. There are no deep feelings in such a relationship. Therefore, it is important to think about the advisability of their continuation.
Causal factors of male aggressive behavior
If a man hit a woman, psychology says: put aside the ancient “wisdom” about high feelings and their similar manifestation. The reasons for beatings are varied, but none of them are associated with expressions of love. Problems at work, extreme fatigue, or other situations do not justify aggressive behavior. These factors, as a rule, unite the family with a functioning connection. The husband shares his concerns, he is interested in his wife s opinion about the problem that has arisen, her support is important.
The causal factors of aggression are deeper. They require a definition, a decision. Often spouses cannot cope without specialized help. In the absence of the effectiveness of the actions taken, the result of male aggression is the disintegration of the family. Despite the wife s fears about the beginning of a new, independent life, such an outcome is optimal, since otherwise there is a high risk of worsening the situation. According to family statistics, domestic violence often leads to serious physical (and mental) health problems. Unfortunately, fatalities are not uncommon.
Psychology indicates the following factors as the reasons why a man beats a woman:
- Alcohol, drugs. These are the primary causes of aggression due to a change in the mental state of a person. With these bad habits, violent behavior is a situation that requires an immediate response.
- “Echoes” of childhood. In this case, the role is played by the violence that took place in the man s childhood. If the father is aggressive towards the mother, the son may begin to perceive this behavior as natural. He requires worship, submission to himself – such a principle was embedded in his psyche from an early age. An important factor in this regard is the submissiveness of the mother, which leads to impunity for the aggressor.
- Constant troubles in life. The lack of results of efforts, the inability to reach the desired heights can provoke an accumulation of deep resentment towards the world around us. Often negative feelings are poured out on the closest person.
- Lack of response to violence. A woman who accepts outbursts of aggression without a proper reaction supports its subsequent manifestations. Impunity creates a feeling of superiority in the aggressor, he again uses force.
- Dictatorship. If a man presents family leadership in the form of dictatorial behavior, he will prove his dominance by force.
- Provocative behavior on the part of a woman. In the question of why a man beats a woman, psychology also highlights this factor. Constant adultery, neglect of duties in relation to children, home, inappropriate, immoral, lifestyle, alcohol, drug addiction … These are just some of the reasons that cause manifestations of aggression on the part of the husband.
- Self-affirmation. This factor is typical for weak men who want to show their strength. Since he cannot show it in front of a strong opponent, the only option remains – a weaker opponent in the person of his wife.
- Mental disorder. Answering the question why a man raises his hand to a woman, psychology indicates that he has a mental illness. Since men are less likely than women to seek specialized care, the disorder can remain undiagnosed for a long time, becoming the cause of assault.
- Difficult life period. Along with a closed character, this factor also manifests itself in the form of aggression. Long-term accumulation of anger, resentment either becomes the cause of a mental disorder, or pours out on a loved one.
If a man raises his hand to a woman, psychology highlights many other causal factors that can lead to similar situations. They also include hormonal imbalances, fears of losing credibility, etc. Often only a specialist can determine the cause, so it is important to contact them after the first incident of domestic violence.
Possibilities for solving the problem
What if the husband beats his wife? Psychologists advice is unanimous: do not endure! Assault by a man can lead to a violation of the woman s personality, loss of self-esteem. In this case, it will not be necessary to consult a psychologist, but long-term treatment. But even after proper therapy, a number of women are unable to restore their old attitude towards life.
Husband beats? Psychologists advice says: leave. At least temporarily. Retire in a quiet place. A calm environment will contribute to calming down, will help you understand whether it is advisable to continue the relationship with the aggressor. Rarely does a house tyrant change behavior, refuses to use force in relation to his wife. Despite the perceived calmness, a breakdown can provoke a minor stimulus. In addition, it is important to take into account the risk of revenge, punishment from the “offended” despot.
The psychologist s advice on what to do if the husband hit his wife and does not repent for his behavior are as follows: develop a plan of action. It is important to choose an appropriate strategy that is convenient for solving the problem unilaterally (do not think about the “deep feelings” of the spouse – he does not have them):
- See a psychologist. It will help restore the ability to enjoy life, find ways out of this situation.
- If you need to meet with an oppressive spouse, spend it in a public place, accompanied by a third person (relative, girlfriend, etc.).
- In the event of a divorce, consult a qualified family lawyer, ask him to study the documents.
- Don t forget about children. The child s psyche is sensitive to parental divorce. A small child should not be explained the true reasons for the separation (we can say that the father went on a long business trip).
- Let go of the feeling of shame. If the husband beats his wife, psychology recommends trusting relatives and friends. Do not refuse support of any kind – neither psychological nor material.
- Go to court. Often women refuse to retaliate against the despot because of the risk of condemnation from the environment. But punishment for beatings is not only a legal measure. It will help the offended wife regain self-confidence.
- Ignore the ill-wishers. Gossip is not a reason to tolerate violent behavior towards yourself.
The psychologist s advice, if the husband raised his hand against his wife, is as follows: remember that if he leaves, the aggressive spouse will take revenge, will try to punish the manifestation of disobedience. Avoid being alone with him: the presence of third parties is a guarantee of security.
Is it possible to correct the situation?
Often women try to preserve the marriage, to direct the husband to the “righteous” path, despite the aggression. This desire is due to the fear of loneliness. But is it advisable? Will it help to correct the situation? It is impossible to answer these questions on your own. It is recommended to seek help from a psychologist. In addition to helping directly in solving the problem, he will advise (if you wish to keep the relationship) ways to suppress arbitrary manifestations on the part of the spouse.
What to do? Leave? Forgive? If the husband raised his hand against his wife, the advice of a psychologist, his help in getting answers to these questions is extremely important. It is important for couples to understand the need for mutual change to maintain a marriage and an emotional connection.
If a man raised his hand to a woman, psychology recommends that she realize the importance of her own behavior in this situation, accepting the difficulties that accompany the way out of the problem. If the husband wants to change, he needs support. It lies in the spouse s ability to listen and hear, advise, and prevent conflicts. These are the basics of the right path in endeavors. It is important for a man to understand that regardless of the problems that arise, the wife will be there for him.
Despite behavioral errors other than aggression, avoid criticism. Leave past wrongs in the past, do not remember them. Praise, compliment, encourage. This should be the basis of conjugal communication.
Recommendations for a husband resorting to assault are as follows: find a way to release excess energy, channel it in a positive direction. If a man hits a woman, psychology offers 2 options for solving the problem.
The first method is verbal expression of thoughts. The use of force is not the only way to express emotions. Get out of it. Do not prove your opinion, rightness by force, use verbal convictions. Constant “training” of verbal communication will introduce him into the habit, eliminating the need for assault.
The second way is to release energy through physical activity. In this case, sports are recommended, for example:
For less prepared men, a regular long run is suitable.
Displacement of negative emotions on an imaginary opponent in the form of a punching bag will lead to the calmness of the husband and the safety of the wife. The need to prove one s strength, leadership by assault will recede.
If a husband beats his wife, psychology has one goal – to teach a woman to avoid conflict, dangerous situations. It is important to consult a qualified professional. With its help, you can change your outlook on life, find ways to solve a problem, and cope with the attendant difficulties. An experienced psychologist will help you decide on the next path, choose the best solution to the problem – either a divorce, or the restoration of an emotional connection between spouses.
Psychological advice in case of domestic violence:
- identify the causal factor that led to aggression – most often, this cannot be done without the help of a psychologist;
- do not try to correct the despot s character on your own, direct him to the right path – a specialist will help determine the most appropriate way out of this situation;
- follow the recommendations of a psychologist, do not deviate from the chosen model of behavior in dealing with a home tyrant;
- take into account the opinion of the husband himself, his desire to change, the approach to solving the problem; if he is not critical of aggressive manifestations, considers them a natural method of communication, do not try to remake him – your efforts will be in vain;
- prevent conflicts – when a dispute is brewing, go for a walk, go shopping, go to relatives;
- do not react to assault with retaliatory aggression – fights never have a positive outcome.
When working with a psychologist, don t stop halfway. It is impossible to develop an effective strategy in one session. Despite the determination of the reason for the aggressive behavior of a man, most often it will not be possible to restore relationships without specialized help. Without eliminating the risk factor, the only way out of a difficult situation is divorce.
IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you must consult with a specialist.