Divorce proceedings are fraught with many difficulties for both spouses and their children. According to statistics, 80% of families go through it. Professional psychological help in divorce will help you survive the breakup with dignity and without unnecessary stress.
What is the psychology of divorce?
It is deeper than just resentment. Especially for the side that was thrown. The departure of a spouse or spouse from the family is perceived by the second partner as a loss comparable to the death of a relative. And in some cases, the initiator of the dissolution of the marriage is seriously affected. But the hardest thing in this situation is the smallest family members who lose their parent.
The reasons why marriages fail are varied and numerous. Most often it is an inability to come to a compromise or betrayal. But these superficial factors often hide deeper interpersonal conflicts between spouses.
You cannot do without proper psychological help during a divorce at any stage of the procedure:
- The process itself.
The expert can provide significant assistance in restoring the family even when the couple is on the verge of breaking up. But this is achievable only if several conditions are met:
- the desire of at least one of the spouses to preserve the family;
- lack of clear confidence in the need for divorce;
- impossibility of agreement on the division of money, property, minor children.
If the decision to dissolve the union was made, psychological assistance in divorce may be needed in the following cases:
- one of the parties cannot let go of a loved one;
- she continues to blame herself and the circumstances for what happened;
- the spouse (most often the spouse) is not able to cope with the emotional shock;
- the client suffers from signs of depression, manifested by apathy, a feeling of inner emptiness, lack of appetite, physical weakness.
Turning to a professional, you can count on a successful solution to the following issues:
- struggle with emotions in the form of anger, suffering, anger;
- starting life without a former spouse;
- search for a new partner;
- elimination of disagreements and conflicts between former lovers;
- rational division of property and determination of the place of residence of minor children.
Thus, a psychologist after a divorce is in some cases extremely necessary. The situation is often aggravated by the fact that the specialist has to deal with one person from the couple, while the position of the other spouse is unknown to him. After all, most families cannot get together and go to the reception together for various reasons.
The question of whether to visit a psychologist alone or together with a husband / wife is decided on an individual basis. It all depends on the nature of the problem. If one spouse suffers more than the other, the consultation is done personally. If the quarrels are mutual, and there are many issues to be resolved, a pair session will be required. After divorce, experts usually work with the children who suffer the most.
Nuances of supporting women
The help of a psychologist in divorce is most often needed by the fairer sex. After all, it is more difficult for them to cope with emotions and continue to live for themselves. In modern society, the generally accepted model of the so-called “traditional family”. In this regard, from an early age, girls are taught to behave in certain life situations in a certain way.
Such beliefs in society are fraught with numerous consequences, most often negative ones. A woman who has experienced a breakup with her husband begins to blame herself, and those around her begin to condemn her. For this, as a rule, standard stereotypes are used.
- Cheating on the part of her husband is the norm. After all, he is a male, and he just needs it. And on the part of the wife – not the norm. This speaks of her depravity.
- If a man “looked to the left,” his wife is to blame. She didn’t try hard enough to be gentle and well-groomed. She did not give him what other women give. In this case, no one condemns a man, because, as stated in paragraph 1, he has a polygamous nature.
- A woman should bring money into the house and be responsible for solving household issues. A man should only earn. This allows him to relieve himself of household chores.
- If a woman was abandoned by her husband, she is automatically ranked in society as “second class”, because “divorces” are not in value.
In this regard, there is nothing surprising in the fact that after the divorce proceedings a woman blames herself, and all this is exaggerated by the “colors” of censure from others.
Psychologically, divorce is also complicated by the fact that she must be responsible for the children, because they, as a rule, stay with the mother, not with the father. The stress for every woman is the fear of being a single mother.
Despite the fading of feelings between partners, surviving a breakup is not easy. After all, people who are parting have lived together for years and even decades and have passed a significant part of the way. Therefore, it is impossible to take and throw a person out of the head as if he did not exist. In some cases, a man may also need a divorce psychologist.
Features of child support
Young children during divorce are the target that takes the hardest hit. If parents are adults who give an account of their own actions, then their offspring are only victims of cruel circumstances. When faced with their parents’ divorce, they begin to think that something is wrong with them, and they are abandoned. The circumstances are further complicated by the fact that you have to choose with whom to stay to live – with mom or dad. It is extremely difficult to make such a choice in childhood. In any case, the child will not see one of the parents every day, and this is a serious loss for him!
Almost every child needs the help of a psychologist after a divorce. After all, children begin to suffer from depression and simply behave inappropriately. They are capricious or even withdraw into themselves. The second case is even more dangerous! Some of them suffer from nightmares, become worse at school and leave home.
A divorce psychologist will be able to provide support to the child without even meeting with him. To do this, it is enough to communicate with the parent in order to make adjustments to the educational model. The main task of the expert is to help the minor to cope with the experiences associated with family discord, and to grow up as a person not burdened with complexes.
The importance of psychological assistance in a divorce for a woman, man, children
In psychology, the phrase “psychological divorce” is often used. It characterizes the state in which the spouses let each other go and become independent individuals who do not experience mental hardships.
The fact is that after the legal registration of a divorce, a true breakup often does not occur. This suggests that the spouses, although already former, are not able to let go of each other. They continue to quarrel and sort things out. And some of them are completely forced to live under one roof.
The psychological stages of divorce in this case include not only visiting the registry office or the court, but also completing the process in the form of full awareness of the situation and the beginning of life alone, without the ex-spouse.
Psychologist’s advice for divorce: how to get over it?
If it is impossible to do without a divorce, you just need to come to terms with it and continue to live on. In the end, life with divorce does not end, but perhaps only begins. It is also important to take into account the basic advice of a psychologist when divorcing. They are in the following aspects.
We need to get rid of the feelings of loss as soon as possible. Denying them, creating an illusion, is categorically unacceptable, because this can lead to even greater psychological disorder. During the first few weeks / months after the divorce, it may seem like the marriage was much better, but now it’s empty. There is no need to concentrate on such thoughts. After all, if this were true, the divorce would not have happened.
It is worth thinking well and realizing what factors led to the current state of affairs and led to a divorce. As practice shows, the partner wants to return everything to its place not because he misses his ex-spouse, and not because he still loves him, but simply out of habit.
To get these thoughts out of your head, it’s worth diving into something new. It can be time consuming but well worth it. A year later, a person who was worried about a divorce does not recognize himself. If the suffering lasts more than a year, this indicates the need to contact a specialist.
The first step is to focus not on what is lost, but on what is gained. If you have children left with you, you can immerse yourself in their upbringing. And in order to bring something new into your own life, you can pamper yourself with pleasant little things that were not available in marriage.
It is also necessary to think about the future. Namely, about the life that you want to have. It is impossible to return to thoughts about the former satellite. It is best to focus on your own plans and goals.
You cannot do without the help of a specialist at a time when it is difficult to cope with your own emotions. Therefore, if an obsessive desire to return a former partner and be with him interferes with living in the present and future, it is worth contacting an expert who will help at all stages of a divorce. Psychology in this case is what will help you get out of a depressive state.
IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you must consult with a specialist.