Many people use the term “psychological addiction” primarily to describe alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction. These addictions pose a serious threat, but there is another psychological addiction. It’s about dependence on a person.
Characteristics of the term “psychological dependence”
Human dependence in psychology has several different forms. Mostly the romantic, amorous look is mentioned. But there are many types of this destructive craving. An obsession with feelings can be directed towards an educator, friend, parent, or celebrity. These are rare cases, but they require careful specific study in cooperation with a psychologist.
The risk of psychological dependence, in addition to its destructive effect on the mental state of an addicted person, also lies in the fact that in most cases this state is not perceived as a problem. The culture is replete with a number of examples of incredible love, where a person obsessed with feelings performed heroic actions. But in real life, excessive passion translates into negative, overwhelming influences. Despite this, the craving for complete dissolution in the object of passion, the satisfaction of his desires (these are dangerous manifestations of love addiction) is interpreted by many as a desirable, natural behavioral model.
Psychological dependence, according to different psychological directions, has a variety of reasons. One theory says that a similar behavioral model is formed already in infancy in a child suffering from a lack of maternal care and warmth.
Other sources point to society and culture as the reason. The aforementioned image of pathological love is romanticized, becoming an example of an unhealthy behavioral pattern. The next factor of cultural impact is the historically formed portrait of a woman who is guilty to selflessly love a man, to please him in all possible ways. Therefore, psychological dependence on a person, first of all, refers to women.
A more plausible root of addiction in psychology is problems with setting personality boundaries. A person has an unclear idea of the boundaries of the competence of his influence. He is unable to confidently determine which attitudes are his personal, and which are imparted by his parents, spouse, leadership, etc. He is not aware of the possession of his body (eg, he cannot refuse a physical connection, despite the lack of personal desire). The personality of such an individual is “absorbed” by the personality of the object of passion.
The next potential factor leading to psychological dependence on a person is the suffered loss. The trauma caused by death, separation from a relative, a friend can cause fear of loss. As a result, all the forces of the individual are directed towards maintaining a close connection with the object of sighing.
Signs of addiction and methods of getting rid of it
Signs of psychological dependence on a person:
- A person suffering from pathological attachment (addict) loses interest in everything, except for a loved one. In the background, work, hobbies, rest are lost, they are replaced by the desire to always be with the beloved, to please him.
- In psychology, a victim of addiction is a person who willfully abandon his own interests. For him, only the desires of the beloved are important.
- The dependent individual leads the connection to a state of “vicious circle”. The permanent desire to be near is not perceived by the partner, as a result of which the victim’s obsession increases. This situation leads to an aggravation of the state of mind of both partners, an increase in negative emotions.
- Psychological dependence is characterized by the presence of neurotic signs bordering on psychosis. The individual recorded: constant instability of mood, pathological sadness in the absence of the possibility of communication with a loved one (despite the short duration of separation), physical symptoms (deterioration of the general condition, decreased immunity, impaired cardiac activity), anxiety, sleep disorders.
- A person suffering from psychological dependence requires constant moral support from a partner. His personality becomes so upset that he loses the ability to make single-handed decisions (even mundane tasks become incredibly difficult).
These signs of pathological attachment are often noticed by the relatives, friends of the victim. But he himself responds to their criticism inadequately, does not recognize the existence of a problem, refutes his own pain. As a result of this behavior, communication with everyone is destroyed, except for the beloved.
The inconsistency of the situation lies in the fact that the question of how to get rid of psychological dependence is in the case of realizing the presence of pathology, the impossibility of continuing the relationship with the victim herself. An important role in this awareness is played by a close person who is present nearby, who is able to lead the dependent individual to the idea of the need for therapy, therefore, to visit a psychologist.
Without a specialist, the solution to the question of how to get rid of psychological dependence on a man or woman is extremely difficult. Primary difficulties are created by the above reason – the victim’s unwillingness to admit the existence of a problem, her violent response to the warnings of loved ones. You also need to take into account the variety of causal factors leading to psychological dependence on a person (how to get rid of pathological attachment is a question, the solution of which is based on the discovery of the root cause).
The overriding principle in getting rid of an unhealthy condition is to increase the value of the victim in her eyes. She must realize that she is an independent, mature person, able to make decisions, to be an indivisible person even without attachment to a partner.
The main target quality that forms in an individual after psychological therapy is healthy egoism. As a result of working with a specialist, a person begins to read, love himself, conform to personal aspirations.
Although breaking up a relationship is not the only solution to the question of how to get rid of love dependence for a man, relationship psychology recommends it as an effective way to maintain a healthy psyche of both partners. But sometimes it is possible to include a beloved addict in the therapeutic process. This can contribute to changing the unhealthy concept of relationships.
Phases of addiction formation
Psychological attachment is formed according to similar laws. Moreover, its appearance does not matter (dependence on drugs, alcohol, loved one). All types go through a number of stages of formation:
- Zero dependency. A healthy, balanced relationship, characterized by the same rights of partners, mature individuals who are aware of the value not only of relationships, but also of themselves.
- The initial stage of addiction. The victim begins to manipulate the partner, tries to control him, always be there, thereby inhibiting personal psychological instability. The first manifestations of personal degradation are becoming visible – a decrease in self-esteem, emotional lability, an excessive emphasis on relationships.
- The emergence of partnership problems. This stage is typical of a decrease in the victim’s social circle. Her behavior is characterized by frivolity, obsession, desire for control. The person does not accept the existence of the problem, while feeling guilty for the violation of the functionality of the relationship caused by his behavior.
- Breakdown of communication. Pathological attachment no longer brings positive emotions, satisfaction. But the thought of breaking up is daunting for an addict. While he feels unity with a partner, he gets tired of such a connection, tries to minimize communication. The addicted person loses interest in the outside world, becomes apathetic to everything, except for the connection with the beloved.
In the question of how to get rid of dependence on a man, the psychology of relationships focuses on the fact that in a morally healthy person, the development of an addictive connection rarely goes beyond the 2nd stage without a critical assessment of the circumstances. A person realizes the problem, tries to solve it even through a painful separation from his beloved. In this case, the role of the psychologist is to reduce the mental pain caused by separation (if there is no way to restore the relationship).
The psychologist for fears and panic attacks is Nikita V. Baturin, whom you can contact online.
But there are other circumstances associated with human dependence. This is, in particular, borderline personality disorder (BPD), a disorder related to the field of psychiatry. Sometimes the disorder is accompanied by expressive psychotic manifestations that require a combination of pharmacological and psychological therapy. The problematic of the disease is the lack of the possibility of its complete cure. In this disorder, only long-term remission can be achieved. People with BPD who are prone to pathological attachments are unable to get rid of the unhealthy passion. The only therapeutic option is its compensation, carried out by mastering adaptive behavioral and mental forms.
Methods for getting rid of psychological addiction
It is difficult to get rid of an unhealthy attachment to a person without the help of a psychologist. But to contact a specialist, an addict must answer a number of questions:
- what are my desires;
- what are my goals;
- what are my preferences;
- it is necessary for me or a partner.
The presence of the mention of a partner in the answers to all questions is a reason for visiting a psychologist and getting rid of an unhealthy connection.
Cooperation with a specialist is based on the addict’s awareness of the value of himself. The goal of the psychologist is to help the victim find self-love. Only after this does the construction of personal boundaries begin, that is, the differentiation of one’s own and others’ desires and needs. The successful outcome of treatment is the separation of the victim of the terms “partnership” and “addiction”.
As part of the treatment process, a number of techniques can be used:
The choice of a particular method is based on the results of the first interview of a person with a psychologist.
Practical psychological advice
In psychology, there are a number of methods aimed at getting rid of pathological attachment. For the success of the result, the addict needs to realize several important points:
- Family is not the exclusive goal of a woman. The function of the wife is not the limit, the only definition of her role in society. She can be an excellent artist, traveler, and without the presence of a man. The end of an unhealthy connection with the subsequent entry into a new one (or the realization of the value of freedom) does not mean the loss of human value.
- Loneliness is not a verdict. Independence is not scary. A person can independently solve everyday problems. In the absence of the strength to cope with problems, close people will come to the rescue. Living on your own is not fatal. Commitment to our own actions and decisions is a blessing, not a cross.
- Remember: the 1st letter of the alphabet of life is “I”. A woman is a woman. And only after that she is a wife, daughter, etc. She is an original personality with a complex of individual qualities, interests inherent only to her. With her goals, hobbies. She is an individual, not an actor playing a certain role in society.
- The presence of personal opinion, a separate circle of friends, and one’s own hobbies is not a betrayal. A balanced healthy connection between people is located at the junction of their personalities, without absorbing each other.
Each person has their own way of getting rid of the pathological connection. The psychologist in this respect only helps him to draw up an individual sequential scenario of actions. You can solve the problem on your own, but often on the way to harmony without the guidance of a specialist, misunderstandings and despair can arise.
IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you must consult with a specialist.